WATCHING FOURTH KIND, BEING AN IDIOT

Being a six year old who secretly watched The X Files, you could say I got acquainted with aliens at maybe too early a stage in life? I remember once dreaming of an octopus-like alien that shot spiderwebs from its mouth and had decided to take up residence in my Precious Moments laden bedroom. I also remember not being able to tell my mother the source of my alien-infested dreams, in fear she would make me quit watching. 

Despite this creepy start, or maybe because of it, my interest in aliens and UFOs remained steady as I grew into a young adult. Thus, I was super excited to watch The Fourth Kind when it came out in 2009 and I immediately rented it from Blockbuster (yes, you heard me, Blockbuster).  

Now, full disclosure here… In 2009 I was 20 and an idiot. A gullible idiot (not to imply I’m no longer an idiot, I’m just now an idiot of a different flavor). I popped that disc into my parents’ DVD player, watched Milla Jovovich’s spine-tingling introduction to the film, and totally, moronically believed the movie was, in fact, a documentary. 

I watched in horror as poor, friggin’ Abbey Tyler was lifted up and tossed about like a second rate sock. I shuddered at the translated electronic voice recordings. I finished the movie feeling wholly unnerved — and newly petrified of being abducted. 

It was less than an hour later when I made the discovery that The Fourth Kind was nothing short of a well-made and convincing mockumentary…but by this time the creep factor had already sunk its teeth into my psyche. The idea of being abducted and experimented on by aliens consumed my brain with never-ceasing paranoia. I was even freaked out by owls for a hot second. 

It took me a few days to calm my tits but a low-key, lingering fear of abduction has remained in its wake, over a decade since. 

It was with this fear fresh in mind that I jumped at the chance to write an article about alien abductions for a client a few years back. My task was to research Ultimate Signs of Abduction and compile a scary list for readers. I internally wept with relief as I steadily built my list of signs. No, I did not, in fact, feel the vague yet desperate need to place my bed against a wall at all times, thank fuck. 

By the time my article was finished, I was about 78% convinced I had never been abducted. But watching The Fourth Kind and doing a deep dive into the subject did something to me. I can’t spend too much time late at night thinking about all of this without wigging myself out, much the same way I can't fantasize about turning a corner of my apartment to find a demon there, or worse my doppelganger. It’s just a teensy too creepy, being all alone in the dark with said thoughts. 

And, frankly, that feeling of undeniable creepiness is what makes the subject matter so damn awesome. 

So, for any sad saps reading this who are afraid of being abducted, I present to you my List of Signs. Happy Alien Abduction Day! Sorry! 

10) sleepwalking

09) sleeping against a wall

08) fear of the closet 

07) dreams of animal eyes

06) dreams of medical procedures 

05) dreams that defy physics 

04) unexplained blood on your bed 

03) paralysis in bed 

02) lost time

01) seeing a ufo